COLD OPEN – RACHEL’S APARTMENT – SATURDAY MORNING
Rachel jiggles her kitchen faucet; it burps, groans, then sprays like Old Faithful.
Rachel: I asked for running water, not sprinting water.
Eric (arriving with a toolbox, sash on): Former Senator / Current Plumber.
Lucas: I watched three videos. I’m basically certified.
Rachel: I’m calling a professional if my apartment becomes an aquarium.
Eric: Good! We will fix it before that.
Smash to sting.
ACT ONE
SCENE A – RACHEL’S KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS
Under-sink chaos. Eric produces a comically large wrench; Lucas produces a labeled bag of bolts.
Lucas: Step one: shut off the water.
Eric: Step one: confidence pose. (poses)
Rachel: Step one: towel.
Lucas turns the valve. The spray… stops. Triumph!
Lucas: See? Easy.
The sprayer head detaches and launches into the fruit bowl. Water resumes. Less triumph.
Rachel: I’m going to stand in the hallway and believe in you from another room.
SCENE B – DORM 3D – AFTERNOON
Zay loads a well-worn DVD: Titanic. Farkle stacks snacks, arranges sticky notes with trivia.
Zay: Today we honor cinema and cardio by belting the entire soundtrack.
Farkle: Legally, you may honor, but you may not belt.
Zay: Watch me respectfully belt.
RA Skyler peeks in with a decibel meter.
Skyler: I don’t want to be the iceberg to your vibe, but quiet hours start at nine. Also, no fog machine.
Zay (hiding a small fog machine): This is a humidifier with ambition.
Skyler: Put ambition back under your bed.
Lights off. Theme swells (instrumental). Zay warms up like it’s the Grammys.
SCENE C – BIOLOGY BUILDING, DR. CHEN’S OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Riley and Maya hold a neat one-page proposal and two hopeful smiles.
Riley: We’d like to do a micro-project alongside lab section: “Tiny Carbon Sink”—safe spirulina cultures in two light conditions, measure growth & CO₂ absorption proxy with pH, three weeks, zero explosions.
Maya: We pre-registered our hypothesis. We brought our own painter’s tape for labels. We’ll clean like we’re being graded by Cinderella.
Dr. Chen (kind, swamped): Love initiative; hate spilled algae. Our prep shelves are full, and spirulina stains dreams.
Riley: We can tuck two flasks in the unused east-window cubby, log at 4:13 daily, share data with anyone who’s curious.
Maya: And we’ll write it up as a blog post for the Bio department: “What’s a carbon sink?” The pun writes itself.
Dr. Chen: I heard it. I appreciated it against my will. Proposal approved if you draft a safety sheet and pledge no overtime in the lab. Deal?
Riley/Maya: Deal!
They bounce out, triumphant but responsible.
ACT TWO
SCENE D – RACHEL’S APARTMENT – LATER
Lucas discovers Teflon tape. Eric discovers he may have turned off the wrong valve.
Lucas: Teflon tape goes clockwise.
Eric: Which is the one that isn’t left?
Rachel (from the hall): Update?
Eric: We are very close to not drowning.
Rachel: Wonderful news.
Lucas re-seats the sprayer. Eric tightens the coupling. The faucet turns on… perfectly. The room exhales.
Lucas: We did it!
The P-trap under the sink chooses this moment to clunk and then drip… drip… drip.
Rachel: I’m Googling “plumber near me.” No offense to the Senate.
Eric: Mild offense taken. Reasonable.
SCENE E – DORM 3D – EARLY EVENING
On-screen: the ship sets sail. Zay croons the big theme (safely paraphrased), arms wide.
Farkle: Did you know the real band really did keep playing? Also, the sets were built— (shushes self) I’m learning to not be a fact hose.
Zay: Your restraint is noted and appreciated. (sings louder anyway)
Neighbor knocks. Skyler appears like a ghost of RA Present.
Skyler: Volume is a ship that must lower its sails. Also, there’s a sign-up for the lounge TV. You didn’t sign.
Zay: I signed in my heart.
Skyler: Paper hearts only.
Farkle: We can move to the common room at the end of the hall. I brought earbuds for a sing-along emergency. You can belt into my noise-canceling hope.
Zay (sincere): You’re a good friend and a responsible ocean.
They pack up their movie picnic and migrate.
SCENE F – BIO LAB – GOLDEN HOUR
Riley and Maya label flasks: SUN and LED. Tape. Logs. A tiny “safety & cleanup” sheet taped above their cubby.
Maya: We’re responsible scientists. Cute ones.
Riley: I will not tap the glass. I will not name the algae. (beat) I named the algae.
Maya: Obviously.
Riley: Meet Carl-bon Sink Jr.
Maya: (groan-laugh) I hate how much I love that.
They clink glass rods like champagne flutes (far from the cultures). Lights off. Door locked. A+ lab citizens.
ACT THREE
SCENE G – RACHEL’S APARTMENT – TWILIGHT
Plumber (Ms. Alvarez, pro energy) kneels under the sink.
Ms. Alvarez: You gentlemen did a decent job on the sprayer. The trap was crooked. Also, someone turned the downstairs laundry valve. That someone remains nameless.
Eric (tiny): Democracy of mistakes.
Ms. Alvarez: I’ll realign, reseal. Then you stop touching it.
Lucas: Respectfully accepted.
Rachel: How much do we owe you to never tell Farkle I hired a professional?
Ms. Alvarez: This visit includes discretion.
They laugh. The faucet purrs. No drips. Everyone applauds like it finished a recital.
SCENE H – COMMON ROOM – NIGHT
Titanic hits the emotional back half. Zay sings softly into Farkle’s spare earbud—private concert. Other students drift closer, some humming, some rolling eyes but staying.
Farkle (whisper): You sound good even when you’re quiet.
Zay: That’s the friend remix.
Skyler passes, gives a small thumbs up. Peace has been achieved without sinking morale or the building.
SCENE I – ERIC’S APARTMENT – LATER
Everyone regroups with pizza boxes and dry socks. Rachel brings a pitcher of water to demonstrate that the sink behaves. Eric frames a magnet on the fridge: “CALL THE PRO BEFORE FLOOD #2.”
Riley: Dr. Chen approved our carbon sink micro-study. We’re measuring tiny growth with big meaning.
Eric: Good! Teach your uncle algae later.
Maya: Rule one of science: don’t name the sample.
Riley: I violated rule one.
Lucas: We violated several plumbing commandments.
Rachel: And learned the sacrament of outsourcing.
Farkle: And we learned the dorm thrives when Zay’s vocals go in my ear and not at the planet.
Zay: Growth, like algae.
Everyone: No.
They laugh.
TAG – BIO LAB / RACHEL’S SINK – NEXT DAY (BUTTON MONTAGE)
-
Bio Lab: Riley & Maya log Day 1 readings at 4:13; a sticky note from Dr. Chen: “Proud. Don’t feed Carl-bon.”
-
RACHEL’S SINK: Eric turns the faucet on like it might bite. It does not. He salutes it.
-
COMMON ROOM: Zay quietly harmonizes into a single earbud while Farkle holds a tissue box out to a sniffling sophomore during the big ship scene.
-
Riley’s notebook: A doodle shield: acorn, book, two stars… and a tiny beaker. Motto underlined: WE LEARN • WE LIFT • WE SHOW UP.
END.
No comments:
Post a Comment