COLD OPEN – ERIC’S APARTMENT – NEARLY MIDNIGHT
The TV credits for an overhyped horror flick crawl. Farkle and Zay stare, frozen.
Zay: That was definitely a movie about friendship.
Farkle: If by friendship you mean vengeful wicker furniture.
Eric shuffles out in a robe, wearing his sash like a seatbelt.
Eric: How’s my favorite duo of REM-cycle vandals?
Zay: We’re brave.
Farkle: We are not brave.
A ceramic penguin figurine on Eric’s shelf seems to… look at them.
Zay/Farkle (together): AHHHH!
Smash to sting.
ACT ONE
SCENE A – DORM HALLWAY, 3B – THE NEXT MORNING
RA Skyler pins up a flyer: “Quiet Hours Reminder: Sleep is not optional!”
Riley and Maya emerge carrying craft bins.
Riley: Today’s mission: we make each other Halloween costumes, absolutely no peeking.
Maya: Great. My only demand: zero glitter in my lungs.
Riley: (shifty) Define “zero.”
Skyler: Define “sleep,” Farkle and Zay. I’ve had five noise complaints reading “muffled shriek but intellectual.”
Zay: We watched a little movie.
Farkle: A film. A psychological study.
Skyler: A mistake. Here—lavender sachet, blue light glasses, and a list titled “How Not To Summon Demons With Your Circadian Rhythm.”
Zay: I love a list.
Farkle: I fear we are beyond lists.
SCENE B – ART LOUNGE – AFTERNOON
Tables covered in fabric and paint. Maya sets up at one end; Riley at the other, back-to-back like a craft duel.
Maya: I am constructing “Riley But In Her Final Form.”
Riley: I am constructing “Maya But Soft And Terrifying.”
Maya: That’s just… me.
Riley: Exactly.
They giggle and get to work. Neither peeks.
SCENE C – CAMPUS QUAD → ERIC’S APARTMENT – LATE AFTERNOON
Lucas jogs up the stairs with takeout and a plush Dean Buffalo wearing a tiny cape.
Lucas: Movie night, Coach Eric?
Eric: Oh— we’re going way scarier: public domain cartoons from the forties. The animals have too many eyelashes.
Lucas: I feel… safe?
Eric: You won’t.
They high-five with the takeout bags and flop onto the couch.
SCENE D – DORM 3D – EVENING
Lights out. Zay’s eyes are saucers.
Zay: Goodnight Farkle.
Farkle: Goodnight Zay.
Beat.
Both: AHHHH!
Farkle: There’s… wicker.
Zay: The coat rack is a person.
Farkle: I hear a bassoon.
Zay: That’s your heart.
Skyler (barging in, whisper-firm): New plan: lounge campout. Low lights. Boring nature documentary. Breathing like whales.
Farkle: Do whales breathe lavender?
Skyler: Tonight they do.
They shuffle to the lounge with blankets like haunted burritos.
ACT TWO
SCENE E – ART LOUNGE – NIGHT
Riley sews a final stitch, eyes shining. Maya hot-glues a last flourish, smirking.
Riley: On three we reveal?
Maya: One, two—
They whirl and PRESENT:
-
Riley’s costume (made by Maya): a regal Purple Galaxy Witch—deep-violet cape, star-scattered hat, soft glitter (containment achieved), tiny moon charm at the ring hand.
-
Maya’s costume (made by Riley): an actually fantastic Renaissance Thief—asymmetrical leather(ish) vest, charcoal cloak, fingerless gloves, gold ring stitched into the hem.
Riley: Yours is… good?
Maya: Yours is… aggressively purple and I love it. You made me something I’d actually wear.
Riley: I listened to your Pinterest board with my heart.
Maya: I listened to your soul which only speaks Pantone 2665 C.
They cackle, hug, and do a little spin.
SCENE F – ERIC’S APARTMENT – LATE NIGHT
On TV: an ancient cartoon rabbit waves at the camera with unsettling cheer.
Eric: WHY DOES IT KNOW WE’RE HERE.
Lucas: He’s just waving.
The rabbit winks. Eric throws a throw pillow.
Eric: He knows. The animals always know.
Lucas: You survived a horror film last night.
Eric: Exactly. I used up my bravery. Also the squirrel played a piccolo and I’ve never recovered.
Lucas: Okay, palate cleanse: nature documentary. Gentle narrator. Otters.
Eric: The otters will unionize.
They keep watching anyway, too wired to sleep, too stubborn to stop.
SCENE G – LOUNGE – SAME TIME
Skyler dims lights, presses play on a soothing documentary: “MOSS: A JOURNEY.”
Farkle: Finally—content about passive plants.
Zay: Moss doesn’t murder you. It just… vibes.
They nest. The narrator whispers about damp rocks. Farkle’s eyes close… pop open.
Farkle: What if the moss has feelings and we step on them?
Zay: The moss understands. Let it hold you like a green pillow.
Skyler: Inhale four. Exhale six. Good. Again.
Farkle/Zay: (breathing) …okay.
On screen, a beetle trundles. The boys relax. Almost. A door thumps somewhere.
Both: AHHHH!
Skyler: That was the ice machine. Now we honor the ice machine and go back to moss.
They try again. This time… it sticks.
ACT THREE
SCENE H – QUAD, NEXT MORNING – HALLOWEEN EVENT
Tables of cider and donuts. Students filter in with costumes. Riley (Purple Galaxy Witch) and Maya (Renaissance Thief) arrive, triumphant.
Riley: If anyone calls me “Grape Wizard,” I’ll forgive them.
Maya: If anyone calls me “Robin Hood, But Hot,” I’ll curtsy.
Sadie (our Fighting Amish friend) passes in teal fairy wings, salutes. Friendly rivals forever.
Zay and Farkle appear with bedhead under beanies and paper cups of tea.
Riley: Did the moss save you?
Farkle: The moss was a benevolent god.
Zay: We slept four consecutive hours, which is historically significant.
Maya: We’ll put a plaque on the lounge couch.
Farkle: Please don’t. Plaques watch you sleep.
SCENE I – ERIC’S APARTMENT – SAME MORNING
Eric and Lucas, still up, still on the couch. Credits roll on a sunrise special where a cartoon deer does a tap dance.
Eric: We did it. We made it to dawn.
Lucas: The deer’s tiny hooves were… a lot.
Eric: Promise me if I start screaming at a cereal commercial, you’ll carry me to the moss.
Lucas: Deal. Also we are napping at exactly 4:13.
Eric: Good!
They fist bump and pass out mid-bump.
SCENE J – QUAD STAGE – LATE MORNING
Rachel emcees the costume contest in a sensible blazer… with a tiny tiara headband (Maya smirks).
Rachel: Winners will be judged on originality, craft, and whether your costume frightened Eric Matthews.
Eric (from the back, half-asleep): The rabbit knew my name!
Rachel: Third place—“Renaissance Thief.” (Maya bows.) Second—“Purple Galaxy Witch.” (Riley twirls.) First—“Group Costume: Moss.” (Farkle and Zay, wrapped in a green throw from the lounge, wave weakly. The crowd loses it.)
Riley: We lost to a plant.
Maya: Correct.
Farkle: I will not apologize to our new overlord.
Zay: Photos at the Window table, then naps.
Rachel: Final note: fear is normal, rest is brave, and no one is allowed to screen “Wicker Vengeance” in the common rooms without RA supervision and a fern present. Happy Halloween!
Cheers. The Penguins mascot holds up a sign: “WORK HARD / BE KIND / SLEEP SOMETIMES.”
Riley & Maya: Ring power.
They tap rings. Dean Buffalo (in a bat cape) nods from Lucas’s arm. Probably.
END.
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