COLD OPEN – PENNBROOK QUAD, ORG FAIR – DAY
Tables everywhere. Free T-shirts, tote bags, pens, pizza.
Riley and Maya weave through the crowd like trick-or-treaters.
Riley: I just joined five email lists and got a succulent. College is a museum where they let you take the art.
Maya: Correction—we are the art. And we’re about to open our own wing.
They stop at a table with mini laundry detergent.
Maya: Hi! We’re… (glances at Riley) officers of Sigma Omicron Radiance. S.O.R. We empower women and also accept detergent.
Rep: Never heard of you.
Riley: New chapter! Very exclusive. Do you empower… sample packs?
Rep: (shrugs, slides them a handful) Sure?
They scurry away, giddy.
Riley: We can’t actually do this.
Maya: We already did. And now we do it better. (beat) We start a… proto-sorority.
Riley: A pretend-ernity?
Maya: A prettier-nity.
Riley/Riley’s conscience: No.
Maya: Fine. A fake sorority. One week. Free stuff. No harm.
Riley: Harm: rules. Dean Rachel. Skyler. The honor code. Democracy.
Maya: Democracy loves totes.
Riley: …Ring power?
Maya: Ring power.
They tap rings and run straight into RA SKYLER and DEAN RACHEL MAGUIRE.
Skyler: Look at my favorite residents being totally normal.
Rachel: And totally registered for any student organizations they intend to… create.
Riley/Maya: (too fast) Yup!
Rachel: Great. Because unregistered groups can’t host events or represent the university or accept perks. (smiles) Enjoy the fair.
Riley and Maya freeze, smiling back, then speed-walk off.
Maya: Okay. New plan. We don’t host anything. We… exist quietly with tote bags.
Riley: We’re so quiet.
Smash to theme sting.
ACT ONE
SCENE A – DORM 3B – LATE AFTERNOON
Riley and Maya build a vision board. Names: ΣΩR – Sigma Omicron Radiance. Motto: “Shine Together.” Doodle: a tiny ring.
Riley: If we’re doing crime, it’s going to be aesthetically pleasing.
Maya: It’s not crime, it’s… craft.
FARKLE and ZAY enter with campus-fair swag piled to their chins.
Zay: I brought three yo-yos, four stress lemons, and a branded quiche. Don’t ask.
Farkle: Also, what is “Sigma Omicron Radiance”? And why is my algorithm detecting a spike in tote velocity?
Riley: Hypothetical sorority. For confidence. And coupons.
Farkle: Mm. Hypothetically illegal.
Zay: Or… brilliant marketing. You’re not scamming; you’re… aspirationally prototyping.
Maya: That one. Put on a blazer, you’re our brand manager.
Lucas knocks, holding a tiny plush buffalo.
Lucas: Dean Buffalo wanted to see his constituents.
Maya: Your timing is suspiciously adorable.
Lucas: I support women’s empowerment. Also free pizza. What’s the difference.
Farkle: The difference is the Dean of Admissions and the Code of Student Conduct.
Maya: The Code can’t stop a mood board.
Riley: (tiny) Please let this be okay.
Zay: Let’s workshop the pitch. You need Greek letters that read “free pizza.” Phi-Pi literally does that. ΦΠ.
Maya: Done. Shirts?
Riley: We don’t make shirts. We… borrow a tablecloth and look approachable.
They share a conspiratorial nod.
SCENE B – QUAD, THE NEXT DAY
A folding table. A hand-painted sign: ΣΩR – Sigma Omicron Radiance (Interest List Only!) A subtitle in small font: “Not a registered org. We’re just talking.”
A line forms. CASSIE (Panhellenic Council rep) approaches, clipboard sharp.
Cassie: Hi, I’m Cassie with Panhellenic. We’re excited about new interest! Quick check—have you begun the recognition process?
Maya: Absolutely. In our minds. Step one: vibes.
Cassie: Step one is paperwork. And risk training. And a faculty advisor. And not… (gestures at their “borrowed” candles) open flame.
Riley: They’re battery-operated!
One flickers and dies.
Cassie: (sighs) Look. Real sororities at Pennbrook are service-first. If you’re serious, come to Council tonight. If you’re… not… maybe don’t siphon our sign-ups for tote bags.
Maya: (beat, softer) Duly noted.
Rachel passes, clocks both tables, says nothing.
Maya: Okay. Slight course correction. No stealing. We’ll… host an info night. Free pizza. Informationally.
Riley: But we’re not registered.
Maya: It’s a… study group with circular snacks.
Zay: A pizzatory.
Farkle: That’s not a word, but I respect it.
SCENE C – LOUNGE, THAT EVENING
Packed. String lights. A whiteboard: “Shine Together.” Boxes of donated pizza. SKYLER counts heads, nervous.
Skyler: I love a community. I hate a fire code.
Riley steps up, shaking but bright.
Riley: Hi. We’re Riley Matthews and Maya Hart HYPHEN Hunter. This is not a sorority. This is… a room of people who want one thing: to belong. And maybe a slice.
Maya: We thought we could hack college with freebies. But the free thing, it turns out, is the feeling when you walk in and everybody looks up like—“You’re here.”
Nods. Murmurs.
Cassie slips in, arms folded; she’s listening.
Riley: We don’t have dues or a house or a letter from the president. We have a window with lights and a buffalo in a T-shirt. (Lucas lifts Dean Buffalo. Tiny cheer.) If you want to hang out weekly and do something small and good… write your name. We’ll figure it out. Together.
Applause. People sign the board.
Rachel appears in the doorway as the last pens squeak. She smiles—then points to the mountain of pizza boxes.
Rachel: Love the energy. Hate the procurement trail. Who paid for all that?
Zay: We… crowdfriended.
Farkle: I consolidated unused catering credits from four separate events into a singular pizza tranche. Perfectly legal, grayly ethical.
Rachel: Ah. The famous gray pizza. (beat) Tomorrow. My office. Bring your sign. And your buffalo.
ACT TWO
SCENE D – RACHEL’S OFFICE – NEXT DAY
Riley, Maya, Farkle, Zay, Lucas sit like kids at the principal’s desk. Dean Buffalo sits on the desk between them.
Rachel: Start at the beginning.
Maya: We wanted free stuff.
Riley: And then… people came. And they wanted… us.
Rachel: Did you represent yourselves as a sorority?
Maya: In spirit. Not in paperwork.
Rachel: Did you promise benefits?
Zay: Only that we’d be there. And pizza. Which we delivered, like heroes with napkins.
Rachel: Did you know this is almost exactly how a certain Matthews once “helped” with Fraternity Row?
Eric BURSTS IN wearing a sash: “FORMER SENATOR / CURRENT VOLUNTEER.”
Eric: Good! I sensed a teachable moment and followed it like a truffle pig.
Rachel: Eric.
Eric: RACHEL!
Rachel: Eric.
Eric: (to Riley & Maya) Once, my friend Jack and I had… ideas about Greek life. Many bad. Some heart. We learned that community isn’t a coupon book. It’s the people who show up when there aren’t any coupons left.
Maya: (tiny) …We can put the coupons back.
Riley: We can do better than coupons.
Rachel: Here’s my ruling. You don’t get suspended from anything except bad ideas. You will (1) return any freebies you can, (2) donate the extras to the campus pantry, and (3) if you want a thing like this, build what Pennbrook actually recognizes. Start a student org—inclusive, service-forward, advisor attached, forms filed. I’ll even send you the template.
Eric: And I’ll be your… (beat) morale intern.
Rachel: No, you will not.
Eric: (salutes) Good!
Rachel: You have one week to propose something real. Or the buffalo goes to the confiscation shelf.
Everyone gasps.
Lucas: Not Dean Buffalo.
Rachel: Then make me proud. (beat, soft) You already do. Just… make it paperwork.
SCENE E – MONTAGE: “BUILD A REAL THING” – VARIOUS
— Riley & Maya at Panhellenic Council with Cassie, scribbling notes.
— Farkle drafting a constitution titled: “The Window Collective.” Mission: belonging + service + snacks.
— Zay designing a logo: a bay window with Greek-ish trim and a tiny heart.
— Lucas calling his aunt who runs a shelter: arranging a donation drive.
— Skyler walking them through risk training slides: “No flames, no roofs, no tiny illegal bounce houses.”
— Rachel stamping a form: RECEIVED.
— Eric placing Dean Buffalo ceremonially on the table like a judge’s gavel. Good!
SCENE F – FIRST OFFICIAL MEETING – LOUNGE
A smaller crowd, intentional. A banner: THE WINDOW COLLECTIVE (subheader: Everyone gets a seat.)
Donation bins line the wall: toiletries, notebooks, socks. A sign: Campus Pantry Drive.
Riley: We started this because free stuff felt like love. Today, we’re giving the love away first. If you need something, take it. If you have something, leave it. If you’re new, hi—you’re our favorite part.
Maya: We’re not a sorority. We’re not not a sorority. We’re… something that fits who we are.
Cassie: (steps forward) And when recruitment starts, if anyone’s curious about Panhellenic, come talk to me. We’re neighbors, not rivals.
They exchange smiles. People drop items in bins. Someone takes a notebook and looks relieved.
Farkle: (reading their new constitution) Article I: “Snacks will be provided. Feelings will be permitted.”
Zay: (points) Article II: “When in doubt, ask the window.”
Lucas: (to Riley and Maya) Proud of you.
Maya: We used our powers for slightly less chaotic good.
Riley: Growing up is so… paperwork.
Rachel appears at the door, watching them work.
Rachel: (quietly, to Skyler) This is the good glue. The kind that holds.
Skyler: And doesn’t set off the smoke alarms.
They nod.
SCENE G – TOPANGA’S (CALL HOME) – NIGHT
Video call with Cory and Topanga. Riley props the phone in the bay-ish dorm window.
Topanga: So? Sorority Row?
Riley: We tried to start a fake sorority to get free stuff and almost lost the buffalo.
Cory: Classic college sentence.
Topanga: And now?
Maya: Now we started a real club to give free stuff away and somehow gained three casseroles and a spreadsheet.
Cory: People change people.
Riley: And paperwork changes ideas into… things.
Topanga: (proud) My baby likes forms.
Riley: I like… when people walk in and look up like “You’re here.”
Maya: And we say, “We saved you a seat.”
Cory: Save one for me.
They smile.
TAG – QUAD, ANOTHER ORG FAIR – DAY
A month later. THE WINDOW COLLECTIVE table is small and joyful. A sign: “Need a thing? Take a thing.” Another: “Want to help at Saturday’s pantry sort?”
Eric strolls by in a fresh sash: “FORMER SENATOR / WINDOW DAD.”
Eric: I brought you twenty tiny staplers and one very large moral.
Maya: We’re set on morals, but we’ll take the staplers.
Cassie waves from Panhellenic across the way; a few students ping-pong happily between the two tables.
A first-year hovers, shy.
Riley: Hey. You’re here.
They slide over a chair. The student sits, exhales.
Riley & Maya (soft, together): Welcome.
Rings tap. Dean Buffalo nods—probably.
END.
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